Do you ... in Poughkeepsie?

posted by Helen

I'm going down to Poughkeepsie today to bring my parents back for a visit.

Thanks to the movie "The French Connection" I used to be very reluctant to tell people I was from Poughkeepsie. In college, I discovered quickly that if I told anyone where I was from, the immediate response was "Oh! And what do you *do* in Poughkeepsie. Do you ... ?" Even now I can't quite bring myself to type the infamous line.

Anyway, whenever the subject of where I was from came up, I would reply vaguely "upstate New York" or "the Hudson Valley". For a while I told people I was from "near Wappingers Falls" because that happened to be where I went to high school. Then Tawana Brawley made headlines (she even went to my old high school) and I stopped using that as a reference point.

Finally, Dave noticed my subterfuge and asked me about it. I realized then that it was just a little crazy to let such a small thing bother me. Now I tell people right out "Poughkeepsie" and have been surprised that not one person has mentioned The French Connection.

He is home

posted by Helen

Dave came home at around midnight yesterday. He briefly flirted with taking Delta up on a $400 offer to spend the night in Cinncinnati, but good sense prevailed.

Contrary to some reports, I did not spend the weekend partying. I cleaned, de-cluttered and prepared for a visit from my parents later this week. Not that they would ever find fault with my housekeeping (which leaves so very much to be desired), but because I just couldn't stand it any more.

I don't know how people who actually have to leave their homes to work every day manage. If it weren't that I can throw a load of laundry in between answering phone calls and other office-related activities, I don't know what I would do. Even with the intensive bout of housework this weekend, parts of the house are still a disaster.

All my life I've been thinking that eventually I will get a grip on the housework situation and suddenly we'll be living in a picture-perfect (circa 1950s) household. I don't know why that would be the ideal, but I guess it's like that imprinting thing that happens with baby ducks. I must have absorbed it during those summers spent watching "Father Knows Best" and "Leave It to Beaver" re-runs (while my mom vacuumed around me, I'm sure).

Why do I think it's just a matter of my organizing myself well enough? Clearly the homes in those sitcoms benefited from the full-time ministrations of a stay-at-home mom. Maybe it is time to throw in the Swiffer duster and hire a cleaning service.

Party at the Yellow House!

posted by Helen

Just kidding. The headline is for Dave who is, sadly, in Dallas for a couple of days, poor guy.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I'm goofing off. I've closed the company so I can properly devote my time to reading fashion magazines and eating jelly beans all day. (In reality, I went to choir practice last night, and will be singing at a funeral service tomorrow, as well as at the usual church service on Sunday.)

Tonight I'm going to practice violin and watch a movie. I thought about going out to the movies, but I like being home alone -- at least until dark. Then I start to wonder if it's just a fluke that I've never seen a ghost. Worse than a ghost, the little brown bat that got into the house last weekend could put in another appearance.

As a rule, I like bats. I just don't want to share my home with them. I'm sure they feel the same way about me. It's obvious when a bat gets in that all it wants to do is get back out to the abundant mosquitos and other winged snackfood.

"All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up"

posted by Helen

"Just us, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark! ... All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up."
- Norma Desmond (Gloria Swanson) in "Sunset Boulevard"

I'd never seen the film "Sunset Boulevard." I'd heard enough about it through the years to get the gist of it, and to understand the quote above. Last month in LA, as we sat in the shade of a nearby tree, Jason pointed to the famous Paramount Studios gate and explained how it was the same gate Norma Desmond drove through.

Then I noticed the name of the film on the American Film Institute's list of the 100 Greatest Movies and I decided to watch it. It was great. William Holden is so cool; Gloria Swanson acted up a storm. Definitely worthwhile.

So, I figure I can knock off the rest of the AFI's list pretty easily. I actually own 19 of the other films so I guess I can give myself a bye on any that I've watched in the last year or so. As for the rest, I just joined Netflix so this will keep my queue filled for a while.

But first I have to watch "Blue," the first film of Polish director, Krzysztof Kieslowski, trilogy "Trois Couleurs".

Violins on television

posted by Helen

This spring I spent a lot of time choosing a new violin. This involved a lot of trips to the violin shop, each time returning home with another borrowed instrument or bow. It was fun, but after a while it got to be a lot of work giving each candidate enough playing time. My violin teacher and her husband, who is a luthier, patiently helped me through the selection process.

The winner is pictured above. It is labeled "Vissenaire Freres, Lyon" and dated 1876. Who knows -- I gather labels get slapped on violins in a fairly cavalier way. I spent more than would seem reasonable to the average citizen, but far less than I might have. I enjoy playing it and that seems to be the point.

Up, up and away

posted by Helen

This weekend was the balloon festival. My friend, Barb, from college came to visit. We went to see the Friday evening ascension. It was incredible to be out on the field surrounded by all these huge balloons, magical to watch them lift up, seemingly lighter than the air itself.

We've had a lovely relaxing weekend. I opted out of all commitments and enjoyed my time with Barb. Dave was busy with the Revels North Solistice Celebration, which we also attended. Today is hot hot hot and I think we will go for a swim in the lake.

Verse from another time

posted by Helen

Frankie, the retired pilot, sits at my kitchen table and says,
"I was a dog; A real flyboy. I drank like a fish and cheated on my first wife."

I smile at him, uneasy with this odd confession; I hardly know him. I didn't even know Cynthia was his second wife.

"Oh, yes, I was in the Air Force, lived in Europe for years. Put my wife through hell, God rest her soul."

Funny, how easy it is to slip a person into a slot and never think they have a whole story, just like you.

I pour him some more coffee. We are just neighbors, sharing a meal while Cynthia is on a walking tour of England.

He's easily the age of my father; I look at his worn face and wonder about the women who found him irresistible.

Perfect couple

posted by Helen

When someone tells me that Dave and I are the perfect couple, I take it lightly. We've both been in "perfect" couples before.

Today would have been the 19th anniversary of my first marriage. It was a far different life. I had jobs that consumed me and never gave anything back beyond monetary remuneration. I had leisure time to do whatever I desired, yet I had no music, not much joy.

There was love, but I never trusted it. I was wary of his scorn and disapproval, real and imagined. He had definite opinions on everything and was a judgmental sort of person. Generally, if he decided he didn't like someone, he wrote them off and never gave second chances. I kept too many of my own thoughts to myself for fear of looking ridiculous in his eyes.

Eventually by silencing myself, I created a wall that kept us from being able to communicate honestly. Strangely, the smooth surface of our relationship gave the impression of perfection to friends and acquaintances and I seized on that as proof it was all okay.

When things started to fall apart, he very much regretted the way he was and truly desired to change. Even now, a critical little corner of my mind thinks I should have been able to make it work, but I didn't. By that time, I had no hope and left the relationship. He is remarried now and I wish him great happiness. We are none of us simply one thing or the other; he also has many good qualities. But ultimately, I helped create and stayed a long time in an unnourishing relationship in large part because we were supposed to be the perfect couple.

Rain

posted by Helen

Yes, it's raining. It's been raining for a while. It will be raining for a while longer, possibly all week.

Up until it became such a big topic of conversation, I was enjoying the cool, gray weather. It's good excuse to curl up in my armchair and read. I like the drumming sound it makes on our standing-seam roof. I'm not sure what's so great about incessant sunshine anyway, but I'm in the minority here. Even Dave, whose inherently sunny nature lets him see the good side of everything, is getting impatient with it.

This is what we live for

posted by Helen

The garden is getting lush -- peonies, sweet william and foxglove are out. I planted a bunch of stuff on Sunday. Luckily the gray weather stayed one extra day to give everything a chance to get better established.

Yesterday we met my violin teacher and her husband, Ashley and Damir, for a walk at Dewey's. The idea was to introduce their dog and Cammy so that we could dogsit Pancho next week. It seemed like a good idea, but Cammy was completely uncooperative. I was sad and embarrassed that she snapped at poor little Pancho. He was quite brave.

It was hard to stay mad at Cammy today because she's quite sick -- probably from eating something completely unsavory at Dewey's last night. She woke us up at 3 AM and made further sleep impossible. I watched her closely all day and finally called the vet at 3 PM. I'm sure he thinks I'm a nut for worrying about my dog so much, but it also keeps him in business. She's still quite unhappy, but she's got some meds that seem to be helping with her "Garbage Gut".

Apart from the dog fiasco, we had a nice evening with Ashley and Damir. They're a sweet and very talented couple, but I'm afraid they will not want to stay in Vermont too much longer. It's not an easy place to be young--and the opportunites to play serious music here are somewhat limited. I don't think I could have lived here when I was in my twenties. It's exactly what I need now, but I wouldn't trade any of the other places I've been to have gotten here any sooner. If they move on, I will miss them -- especially Ashley because she is such a good teacher -- but I'm sure they'll do well wherever life takes them.

Tonight was Dave's Marshland Farm acoustic evening. I missed last week because I was so sick. It was apparently quite the hootenany (does anyone say that any more?). Tonight was low key but good. Kerry came to sing and play guitar. Geoff and Jed showed up later. Kerry has a fabulous voice. We were outside on the porch. A lovely evening.

Il faut cultiver notre jardin

posted by Helen

I haven't been up to posting much lately -- such a busy weekend with the Revels yard sale, a Saturday night cook-out with friends, choir and a Revels troupe appearance at Billings Farm on Sunday. And surprise! We forgot we scheduled a renaissance choral practice on Monday. Oh, and I bought a new old violin -- but that's for another day.

Then Dave's sister arrived for a short visit and I landed flat on my back with a cold and (oh, the indignity!) conjunctivitis. I'm getting better. I can open my eyes again, but now I have a lingering cough. Woe is me and all that. Dave and Cherie had a great visit. They talked, canoed and kayaked. I slept.

Today was a disappointment. Dave saw his daughters for the first time in over a year. His report of the meeting wasn't encouraging. I haven't written about the situation before now because it is heartbreaking. It's pretty hard to discuss without starting to analyze and explain, and sometimes that just doesn't help. It all degenerates into "she said, he said" stuff that won't resolve anything. Right now it feels like all the moves available to us are wrong ones and we can't ever make it right.

So ... that leaves me with the title of this post, a quote from Voltaire's "Candide":

We must each cultivate our own garden.

I can't do anything to fix this situation right now. All I can do is take care of my own little patch, tend to those I love, take care of myself, and look for where I can be of use in the world. As my former yoga teacher, Stephanie, used to say "All you have to do is show up, be yourself, and share your gifts."